Mordor should be your first introduction to experience Oppikoppi the proper way. See it as your rite of passage.
Majority rules! 98% of Koppi's festival-goers camp in Mordor, making it the heartbeat of the festival. Goosebumps while the music pumps, boet!
On the off chance, you possibly get to see a kief band drive right past your makeshift weekend pozzie on a flatbed truck.
The people of Mordor care. Just ask. Or don't. Go join a group of vagabonds' circle of trust and strike up a conversation. Or just cry on the closest, dusty shoulder.
People of Mordor share. Run out of TP, toothpaste or tampons? Ask your friendly, neighbourly Prawn. Everyone is basically there under the same circumstances, just on different levels of inebriation, and they help out where they can.
You get to witness extraordinary engineering prowess - that gazebo constructed from ice cream sticks, duct tape and prayers didn't make it halfway up that tree on its own.
Make new tjommies. That stranger who stumbled across your tent and literally fell in mid-conversation? He's not an an irritating poephol. He's just a moerse lekker oke that you haven't met yet.
You get to build a sociable camp fire, enjoy the outdoors and sleep under the stars with a group of friends, some old some new.
After spending three days in Mordor, camping anywhere else in South Africa will be an absolute breeze, so you shut your mouth, Bear Grylls.
You get to experience hiking and music at the same time, almost all the time.
Pretend to be a Boy scout or a Voortrekker if that didn't form part of your misspent youth. You get a sense of accomplishment once you've set up the most awesome camp site ever, accompanied by a catchy (or lame) name for your group. Dream up your own war cry, even if it starts with Oppiiiii!
That afternoon nap you've been planning for three years? Have it on Saturday mid-afternoon at Mordor.
You get to get dirty for three consecutive days if you so choose. No more asking your parents’ permission to have a ‘varkiedag’. You are a grown-up. Now go be 5 years old again. Nothing one of those green bricks of soap, an old towel and a hosepipe can't sort out back in your driveway on Monday.
You get to dance like there's nobody watching and sing like there's nobody listening. We're kidding. You are surrounded by hundreds of people watching and listening. Do it anyway. Do it in groups. Release your inner-Prawn. Make some noise and throw some shapes, ek sê! Or sommer join the Northam se Uitgewasde Seunskoor vir Mans en Vrouens (NUSMV) – Don’t fret, Oppikoppi doesn’t give out wooden spoons. This is not Bos Idols.
Mordor is probably the only place where you can take part in a naked mile run on a stretch of dirt road with a group of very enthusiastic supporters. Go racing and get them hearts pacing.
For three days you get to have one of the coolest addresses in South Africa: "I live in the red tent next to the blue Chevy Spark. There's a penis drawn in the dust on the rear window. It is in Fokkolnonsens Draai. Come drink a beer. We've got ice too, bokkie"
You get to run and possibly shower behind the water truck that navigates the Mordor roads to keep the dust in its place.
That couch that just doesn't seem to sell on Gumtree for the past year? Take it with you to Mordor. The people from Oppikoppi keep an eye out for the coolest decorated couch. It might just land you the honour of checking out your favourite band, sitting on your couch with a friend or two. Right on stage!
Ever heard of the Red Frogs? These kind-hearted souls are situated in Mordor and offer assistance to festival goers, be it a pancake to start the day, water to keep hydrated or medical and security assistance. In 2015 these saints treated medical cases, handed out 4000 bottles of water and served 6000 pancakes. Ain't that a sweet deal?
Lekker tunes. Picture this scenario. You end up camping next to this hipster who built his own igloo from a thorn tree with plumbing flowing into a decommissioned aardvark nest. His car is pumping this awesome CD that you've never heard before. You like it. Music has turned you into new BFFs.
Finally, once back home, you get a new appreciation for the simple things in life, like TV, a hot shower and proper sleep on the softest bed ever.This is the spirit of Mordor. Go find yourself by losing yourself.
5 - 7 Aug: OppiKoppi - For the lovely young taken to THE UNSEA